Dating jokes of the day
If you're looking for rib-tickling one-liners from some of the world's greatest jokers and wits, you've come to the right place.In this gallery, The Telegraph's Martin Chilton selects 100 timeless zingers from comic talents including Tommy Cooper, Groucho Marx and Tina Fey.His wife suggests that he see a therapist to talk about it, but Bill vows to overcome this rash desire on his own.A few weeks later, Bill returns home absolutely ashen. " "Do you remember how I told you about my tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer? " "I got fired." "No, Bill I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer? " So the teacher asks little Johnny, who responds: "That's easy..pupil of the eye." "That's correct, Johnny. " And turning to Jessica, she says: "I've three things to say to you, young lady..." The husband said, "No sweetie." The woman said, "I'm sure you would." So the man said, "Okay, I would" Then the woman asked, "Would you let her sleep in our bed?
"A husband and wife were golfing when suddenly the wife asked, "Honey, if I died would you get married again?
" Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK." Wife: "What does that mean? " So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!
" Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot." Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK? " His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family." A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex.
"A wife got so mad at her husband she packed his bags and told him to get out.
As he walked to the door she yelled, "I hope you die a long, slow, painful death." He turned around and said, "So, you want me to stay?
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The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her that it's still experimental.